It's all how you look at things....

Usually, I don't write to you during the day. However, I just had this really cool "thought", and if I'd probably forget about it if I waited until tonight to write it down...Yeah, I know...I think my niece Hannah has a better attention span that I do...  Ha!  Anyway, this weekend has really made me think about a lot of things.. Where do I start??  Well, let's start with today...It's weird... I call today the "anniversary", but it really happened in February. However, for some reason over the past couple of years I think about it more today than usual. I think it's because today is a holiday, and this happened on a monday that I had off in february Now, let's go back in time to roughly 4 years ago...I'll paint a picture for you...Life was actually normal....Wow... As I'm typing this to you, I just had to stop and think about that...4 years seems like a lifetime ago..Things were pretty normal..Well, normal in my world at least. At that time, I was engaged, I was doing afternoon drive in Milwaukee at a Christian Radio Station that was 105.3 The Fish (in february of 2008, the station was sold to KLOVE).. I was also doing radio for 101.9 The Mix in Chicago on the weekends.. Things were just rolling along...You see, I have always been very close to my family..I would see Ryan and Lauren on a regular basis, and at the time, Angela (my sister) was 6 months pregnant. So, life was just rolling along...Just like any other life would...However, I believe that at that time my walk with the lord, and my faith in christ was also just rolling along...Do you know what I'm saying?? It's not that I put God on a shelf during the week, but I think that one of the reason why I didn't have him on a shelf was my job was kind of my accountability partner. However, I could have had a much deeper relationship with the lord at that time, but in some ways, I was just kind of going through the motions...Even though I was praying regularly, and having a relationship with Christ...It was just "ordinary.." As far as place of employment goes, I really believe that the lord had me up in Milwaukee for a reason. You see, when I decided to accept the job as Afternoon Drive host in Milwaukee, I was doing radio out in Crystal Lake which was very profitable, and very "safe"... I made good money, the staff liked me, the clients liked me, ratings were good, blah blah blah.....If you notice, not once in that description did I mention my walk with God...There's a reason for that...So, when I decided to leave and go to Milwaukee, it was in some ways a leap of faith.So, about this time 4 years ago, it was a Monday, and it was a work holiday. I remember that because usually I was at the radio station from about 10-6 during the week, but on this day, I was told that I could just show up at around 2:30 (usually, I was live from 3-6, and then I was recorded from 6-8) So, Angela calls me and says that she wants me to come by before I drive up to work. She says she wanted to talk to me about something..That wasn't anything out of the ordinary.. I was assuming she wanted to talk about a family thing, like "Stop giving the kids so much candy"..Or "Steve and I are thinking about going away before I have the baby...Is there a weekend that you can watch the kids?"  Unfortunately, that's not the way it happened..I remember driving over there around noon, walking into their house, and standing just to the left of the stairway in the hall that leads to the kitchen and family room...Have you ever been in one of those mindframes when you talk to someone you're "listening", but talking to them is just so routine (not boring and not annoying, just so often that it is just a part of your life) that you hear what they're saying, but you don't really "hear" what they're saying?? This was one of those times..I think I said something to the extent of "Hey! so, what's up? How are you feeling?" Keep in mind she was 6 months pregnant, so this kind of question was not out of the ordinary... She looked me in the eyes and said.. "There's something I need to tell you....Now, don't get upset when I tell you this....I..............Have......................Cancer....


Now, she didn't say the words that slowly, but that's what it felt like...Actually, I can't even tell you what it really felt like...It did feel like something just smacked me really really hard....And after that one second...Nothing was normal anymore...Nothing was routine anymore....Everything changed...This is one of the very first things how I saw the lord working..I realized one of the reasons why he led me to that Radio Station in Milwaukee. Even though after Angela told me the news I was devastated, I still had to go up to work. It was really too late in the day to get someone to fill in..I will never forget the drive that day from Gurnee to Milwaukee... I felt so overwhelmed..So helpless...So angry...Little did I know I was going to experience so many miracles starting that afternoon. Like I said, it was a work holiday, so I was planning on arriving at an empty radio station, being alone, doing my shift, and driving home...Well, the lord had different plans..As I was driving to milwaukee, I called Cari, as well as a couple of co-workers who have really become close friends of mine.. So, I pull into the corporate plaza our station was located, parked my car, walked in, took the elevator, walked down the hallway, walked into the station, through the reception area, and into the side of the station where the sales staff was located..Well, it turns out that half of the staff was there. For some reason, several of the sales/management staff decided to come in that day anyway. i will always remember who I saw that day, and what happened.. I remember walking in, having Steve Kolb walk up to me and be like "Hemmer, what's wrong???"  I walked into Lil's office, sat down and said "Angela has Cancer"...You know, there are times in your life when you are made aware of those "certain people" in your life...people that truly show you who they are, and/or what they mean to you. This was one of those moments..I remember Steve Kolb, Lil Rohanna, Sherry Brisch, Bob Emery, and Peter Horn being there with me.. The next day, I remember our morning show team being there. I remember I was in the hallway that contained our on air and production studios...  I remember telling Margo what was going on, and just then my Boss (who was also the morning host) Danny Clayton from down the end of the hall say one word.... "Jon......"   I turn around, and there he was, tears in his eyes, arms open and walking towards me. There is a song that says "they will know we are christians by our love"...In my opinion, this was exactly what that song is talking about. Sometimes, showing Christ's love is not about how much money you give, or how many times you attend church, or what you say...Sometimes, it's just about being there...Now, we'll talk more about what has happened over the past 4 years at a later time...I'll tell you how the lord used this in so many ways; in my life, and in so many other's people's lives as well.However, this is the point I wanted to make to you in this post...how many times in our lives do we really try to see things differently? How many times instead of saying the glass is half full, we say it's half empty? Now, if you have experienced loss, or if you are going through something right now, I am not trying to make light of your pain...Pain is very real, isn't it? However, there is a saying that pain and grief can be like quicksand....You will start to sink if you're not moving forward....Anyway, I went to Angela's grave this afternoon. You know, I really loved her. Have you ever heard that saying that goes "I thought I was better, and then something happened that sent me right back to where I started to grieve"..Here is one thing that I have learned...Sure, in this life, you will encounter things that make you sad..However, that doesn't mean just because you feel that way that it has to bring you back to that original place of grief...It's all how you look at things....Sure....I wish Angela wouldn't have gotten sick..But she did....That's the way it is...Bad things happen to people every day....What are you going to do with it? If we go through our lives in reverse, and we go through our lives in anger or regret, we're not going to get anywhere...I have come to a place now where yes, are moments every day where I think of Angela..But in my grief, I've come to a new place. What place is that? I don't know...I guess it changes every day. The only roadmap that we have to get us through the tough times is the Bible...I guess I have put that saying into motion about the quicksand..It's not easy, but the lord never gives us too much than we can handle.. So today after I went to the cemetary, I came home and walked our dog Daisy...She likes the snow...She likes to go "exploring"  where there aren't any tracks, so she led the way...Yeah...That is always a good idea... ha!  Anyway, we're walking through all of this snow that was pretty deep. She was loving it...You know, jumping around, acting like she actually knows how to track another animal's scent, stuff like that...So, as we were trekking through, I realized something...yes, I miss Angela, but 2 years ago right now, my heart was so weak that I could barely walk down the street let alone plowing through all of this snow on the golf course. What a blessing that is...Yes..Life can be difficult...However, it's like that saying....Miracles are all around us...All we have to do is look... Thanks for reading this

So, what do you do with the tough questions???

I have about 50,000 different thoughts I want to write about tonight, so I'm going to try to not go off on too many annoying tangents... :)  Well, here we are..One year after that devestating earthquake in Haiti. I remember learning about what happened..I was told that "this one is really bad" but unfortunately the only information I received was what I saw on the news..Sure, people at work would make a comment here or there with details on just how serious this really was..But I guess because of the fact that I am in chicago, and I was just going about my daily work activities that day, I didn't really  "get it"...you know?  Sure, I caught a couple of the Haiti releif specials on T.V., but for me it really didn't seek in, because that tragedy occurred outside of my own little world....There it is... Another reference to the song "My Own Little World" by Matthew West. The song poses the question "What if there's a bigger picture, and what if I'm missing out? What if there's a greater purpose that I can be living right now? Outside my own little world". Now, don't get me wrong..There is nothing wrong with having your own little world. You need those relationships that you can count on..You need those routines, because doing routines helps you build lives and relationships with your friends and families.Another example I'd like to share is the crucifixion. I was brought up in a single parent christian home, and all my life I have believed that christ died on that cross for my sins. Now, that belief has always been one of the several basses of my christian faith..Sure, I know it hurt when he was nailed to the cross..When he was betrayed by Judas, that hurt, being treated like a criminal had to have been bad, but I just kind of grew up accepting these things on face value. You could say that a part of my little world was in some ways compartmentalizing what he did on the cross..Does that make sense? Well, the day I saw the movie "The Passion Of The Christ", that changed everything for me. I remember as I was walking out of that theater I had tears in my eyes because I realized that up until that point in my life I really didn't "get it"..From that moment on, my own little world changed, because my relationship with christ became deeper. It seems like significant events need to happen in our lives for this kind of activity to happen. Now, what about dealing with a tradgedy like Haiti, or even Arizona..How do events like these effect you in that own little world? It's interesting how the lord uses tragedies like these to draw us closer to him if we let him. Here's what I'm getting at... Last year, I heard about the tragedy, and then over this year I heard topics on the news about it, read little things here and there about it, watched some haiti relief programs..However, for some reason, I always felt disconnected, because my involvement with Haiti consisted of what I would read online, or watch on the news. It was ironic that within 7 days of the one year anniversary of Haiti, the tragedy in Arizona Occured. Personally, it seemed like the one tragedy made me more passionate about the other tragedy, and vice versa. I think for me, when I was given the Death/Homeless totals for Haiti, and I was talking/praying about it on the air today, it sort of put me in this mindset of "wow....I forgot who devestating that really was" I'm not saying that the media did or did not give it enough attention to keep it "top of mind". I mean truthfully, as you go about your days, and your life just rolls on and on it's sometimes easy to have a tragedy even that big escape your mind. I think that is a part of what makes us human. Time goes by and it's the one year anniversary. All of a sudden, you are given statistics of things like deaths, and homelesness of victims, and you find yourself almost in shock....
That was me today.. I walk into the studio to record my afternoon airshift and as I'm prepping (that means getting thoughts, facts,scriptures, subjects and stories together that you can use on your 5 hour shift to make it sound like you just might actually know what you're doing. ha!) I get the stats for the Haiti Earthquake....When I read these numbers, I sat back in the chair and just stared at the window for a few minutes, trying to get my arms around what these numbers mean.. Because of the Haiti Earthquake, over 300,00 lost their homes... That is equivilent to the city of cleveland ohio...Imagine....The entire cleveland population...everyone.....Homeless.......
Because of the Haiti Earthquake, over 200,000 people lost their lives...That is equivilent to the entire city of DeMoines, Iowa...Imagine..The entire city of DeMoines, Iowa....Dead. This puts things in perspective. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like over there in Haiti. But understanding the details like the ones listed above definitely changed my way of thinking. Now, I have no clue what God's plan is, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I personally believe that when bad things...terrible things do happen in this world I believe the lord wants us to utilize what we learn so we can lean on him, trust him more, and by doing this pray for people that you never have before..People who you might not ever meet until we get to heaven. There's that saying "how can any good come of this?"  In my humble opinion, there's on answer for you right there.. If this tragedy hadn't of happened, we wouldn't be praying about it.People wouldn't be leaning on jesus like they are now. People wouldn't be united in prayer all around the world, working together for the common good to help..That's how Jesus ministered.. The poor, the rich, the sick, the lame, the evil, the children, etc. Our desire should be wanting to be more like Jesus, right? well, there you go..Because of these tragedys, good is coming out of it. People who don't know each other are praying for one another. It's not about what political party you stand for. It's about how can we, on this earth come together to pray and be used by the lord to help those in need? You see, the more and more you pray, the deeper your relationship grows with Christ. Let me break this down in another way.. I think I'm even starting to confuse myself...  ha!
I will go more into detail about these subjects as the blogs carry on, but for starters, let's go back to the question "How can any good come from this situation?"I want to talk to you about Angela.....I just typed that word, and then had an "Angela Moment"... I just kind of sat back in my chair, and kind of looked into space..It's happening right now....I call it the "man, this house is quiet at 11:45 at night/I'm thinking about Ang...I'm thinking about a song that comes to my mind when these moments happen...                  I Miss Her......
You know, if you've ever lost someone in your life, it doesn't ever really get "easier", I would say it gets "different" You come to a place where you're at peace with what has happened, even though you miss your only sister, you miss your friend, you miss certain things at certain times and even though you can talk and laugh about her (Ryan and Lauren love the stories I tell them about when Ang and I were their age) inside, there is this sad feeling that you wonder will ever go away. It's not a feeling of hopelessness. It is equivilent to visiting her grave, putting her favorite candy bar on the marker and think to yourself.  "I miss you" Okay, during Angela's fight with cancer, that was almost a 2 year battle...If you have dealt with a cancer patient, you know what I'm talking about. As those 2 years rolled on, as I was taking care of my sister (which I am so grateful to have had a job at that time that allowed me to do so) things started to get systematically worse..I equate it to you're on a battlefield, then all of a sudden, all of these fires start burning all around you, and they seem to come out of no where. Just like that, the fires grow higher and higher to a point where almost panic sets in because you realize that there really aren't any options that can be planned..That feeling of hopelessness can bring one to ask the question "How can God be glorified in this?" I'll tell you how....
 These events brought my family closer than we've ever been before
 Hundreds of people praying for Angela.. Families, singles, couples,etc. Prayer always brings a family closer so perhaps as they were praying, the lord worked in their lives as well. My wife really saw me acting out my faith. At the time, she was a very new christian. When all of this happened, by showing her the faith and trust that I have in God, that really made her see what being a christian is. It's about having that personal relationship with christ. There is a saying that God's children should be seen and not heard. Don't just talk the talk...Walk the walk. I know that Angela's faith, her strength, and her preserverance witnessed to many many people. She told me that if her story could bring one person to Christ, it was all worth it.... That is the kind of sister that I had... 
So, let's take what I just said about Angela, and use that on a grand scale. Angela was one person who left us to go on to be with the lord. The lord moved in so many ways during her battle. Now, times that by 200,000 deaths. Think about how many lives are being touch as we speak because of what happened in Haiti, as well as Arizona. I'm living proof that Jesus takes what is broken, and turns it into something beautiful. How about you? Have you ever felt broken? Have you ever found yourself asking God "why is this happening?"  No matter how bad things seem to be, remember this.... Nothing ever surprises God. He knows exactly what's going on in your life. He knows exactly what you need and he will give it to you. Draw closer to him..Have that relationship with him. Try to act more like him. You see, by doing that, things can start to change. As we as christians spread the love of christ, and be christ like, the lord can use that to spead like fire..  If I may quote a song..  "watch your words spread hope like fire"... You see? It all comes back to our own little world..We look to God for wisdom and direction, he will show us things 
outside of our own little world to encourage people..To minister to people...To have the words of Jesus spread hope like fire.......
Okay....I have taken up way too much of your time. ha!  Thank you for reading this.. I really do appreciate it. God bless!

I should probably have some cool title for this blog, but I got nothin'....

Well, here we are in 2011. Yeah, I know...I should probably make up my mind as to whether I'm going to continue this thing or not. There more I think about it, the more I think that there is something to be said about writing your thoughts down. I guess this is a pretty cool way of doing that. Maybe people will read this, maybe they won't. Either way, in some strange way it does feel good "writing" your thoughts down...Yeah, I know... Writing??? On paper??? What is that all about?? Chris Fabry hosts his own show during the week from 2-4 called "Chris Fabry Live". During the show, he made a really good point a couple of days ago. As he was interviewing his guest on the show, the comment was made that there is something to be said about writing down your thoughts and feelings. That just sort of stuck with me.
So, the first week of 2011 has come to an end. I have this feeling that this year is going to just fly by. Isn't that weird? It's like, one day, it's the middle of June...The next day, it's Thanksgiving... The days just keep flying by faster and faster..Looking back on the past couple of years, it feels like in some ways a lifetime has passed..In other ways it feels like it was only yesterday that Luke started walking.. By the way, Luke is my incredibly big and too smart for his age 3 year old nephew..
That's thie thing, isn't it...In this life, we get caught up in the day to day stuff when sometimes it feels like it's just one day fading into the next... It's almost like we find ourselves on auto pilot... Then, there are those times when we say to ourselves "wow...is it Christmas already?"  or  "wow..he is in pre-school now??? How did that happen?"During my airshift this past week, I was talking about the whole idea of "resolutions" I said something to the extent of maybe the word "goal" should be replaced by "resolution". There is a song that we play from Matthew West called "The Motions"  (which is an unbelieveable song, by the way) it talks about how in this life, we find ourselves just going through the motions...of course, he is talking about our christian life, but how many times do we just go through the motions in other parts of our lives as well? You know what I'm talking about... You wake up in the morning, you get ready for work, maybe you kiss your spouse good bye, maybe you don't..It's such a routine, that you really don't thinik about it.. Almost subconsciously, you think "I'll see them tonight..."  Basically, many things in your day are just "ordinary"..Not that that's a bad thing, but we find time to check our facebook, check our email, update our facebook, download music, blah blah blah...How are we living an extraordinary life? That word extraordinary..when you break it down, it is more than ordinary..It means that instead of the normal routine that you've fallen into, you want more...More out of your relationships..More out of your christian walk...more from yourself..Now don't get me wrong...I am toally in that "routine" thing as well. However, one of my "goals", or resolutions for 2011 is kind of along the lines of the words of that Matthew West song... Instead of doing "enough", I want to do more...More praying..More Reading..More time thinking about the lord, and seeking him, and trying to be more like him, and less time thinking about things that in the long run really don't matter. Now, please don't take this like I am pointing the finger saying "oh, you're not doing this, and this is wrong, and that is wrong, etc"  I'm just saying that in my life, this is something I would like to work on. Have you been in the same place I have been? Who knows..Maybe you're there right now.. All I can say is this...The lord is good..He is faithful...He is merciful.. He is so much more than those 3 things, but I think you get what I'm saying.. I am a daily work in progress. I don't deserve God's grace..I don't deserve his mercy..However, he gives it to me anyway...I mean, I mess up so many times every single day, but he is still there. If I may quote the line from a MuteMath song, "You precious words intoxicate a heart that aches..You just say it's okay...And you don't recall my past mistakes..You just say that it's okay..And this human mind can't calculate you're perfect grace, but it's okay" . The whole idea of going through the motions... If there is one thing that I've learned over the past 3 years is your entire life can change in an instant..Maybe for good..Maybe for bad.. You never want to find yourself in a place where you're saying "if I only did this, or if I only told them this, or if I can only go back and do this.." That is why I think it's so important to have a close relationship with God..If we have that, he will show you what to do, so you won't be finding yourself in the position of saying "if only"...  There is a line of a song that says "you can't rewind a moment in this life".. That's true.. It's so easy to lose sight of that, isn't it?
Alright...I've bored you long enough.. Thanks for reading this...