Monday, January 17, 2011

It's all how you look at things....

Usually, I don't write to you during the day. However, I just had this really cool "thought", and if I'd probably forget about it if I waited until tonight to write it down...Yeah, I know...I think my niece Hannah has a better attention span that I do...  Ha!  Anyway, this weekend has really made me think about a lot of things.. Where do I start??  Well, let's start with today...It's weird... I call today the "anniversary", but it really happened in February. However, for some reason over the past couple of years I think about it more today than usual. I think it's because today is a holiday, and this happened on a monday that I had off in february Now, let's go back in time to roughly 4 years ago...I'll paint a picture for you...Life was actually normal....Wow... As I'm typing this to you, I just had to stop and think about that...4 years seems like a lifetime ago..Things were pretty normal..Well, normal in my world at least. At that time, I was engaged, I was doing afternoon drive in Milwaukee at a Christian Radio Station that was 105.3 The Fish (in february of 2008, the station was sold to KLOVE).. I was also doing radio for 101.9 The Mix in Chicago on the weekends.. Things were just rolling along...You see, I have always been very close to my family..I would see Ryan and Lauren on a regular basis, and at the time, Angela (my sister) was 6 months pregnant. So, life was just rolling along...Just like any other life would...However, I believe that at that time my walk with the lord, and my faith in christ was also just rolling along...Do you know what I'm saying?? It's not that I put God on a shelf during the week, but I think that one of the reason why I didn't have him on a shelf was my job was kind of my accountability partner. However, I could have had a much deeper relationship with the lord at that time, but in some ways, I was just kind of going through the motions...Even though I was praying regularly, and having a relationship with Christ...It was just "ordinary.." As far as place of employment goes, I really believe that the lord had me up in Milwaukee for a reason. You see, when I decided to accept the job as Afternoon Drive host in Milwaukee, I was doing radio out in Crystal Lake which was very profitable, and very "safe"... I made good money, the staff liked me, the clients liked me, ratings were good, blah blah blah.....If you notice, not once in that description did I mention my walk with God...There's a reason for that...So, when I decided to leave and go to Milwaukee, it was in some ways a leap of faith.So, about this time 4 years ago, it was a Monday, and it was a work holiday. I remember that because usually I was at the radio station from about 10-6 during the week, but on this day, I was told that I could just show up at around 2:30 (usually, I was live from 3-6, and then I was recorded from 6-8) So, Angela calls me and says that she wants me to come by before I drive up to work. She says she wanted to talk to me about something..That wasn't anything out of the ordinary.. I was assuming she wanted to talk about a family thing, like "Stop giving the kids so much candy"..Or "Steve and I are thinking about going away before I have the baby...Is there a weekend that you can watch the kids?"  Unfortunately, that's not the way it happened..I remember driving over there around noon, walking into their house, and standing just to the left of the stairway in the hall that leads to the kitchen and family room...Have you ever been in one of those mindframes when you talk to someone you're "listening", but talking to them is just so routine (not boring and not annoying, just so often that it is just a part of your life) that you hear what they're saying, but you don't really "hear" what they're saying?? This was one of those times..I think I said something to the extent of "Hey! so, what's up? How are you feeling?" Keep in mind she was 6 months pregnant, so this kind of question was not out of the ordinary... She looked me in the eyes and said.. "There's something I need to tell you....Now, don't get upset when I tell you this....I..............Have......................Cancer....


Now, she didn't say the words that slowly, but that's what it felt like...Actually, I can't even tell you what it really felt like...It did feel like something just smacked me really really hard....And after that one second...Nothing was normal anymore...Nothing was routine anymore....Everything changed...This is one of the very first things how I saw the lord working..I realized one of the reasons why he led me to that Radio Station in Milwaukee. Even though after Angela told me the news I was devastated, I still had to go up to work. It was really too late in the day to get someone to fill in..I will never forget the drive that day from Gurnee to Milwaukee... I felt so overwhelmed..So helpless...So angry...Little did I know I was going to experience so many miracles starting that afternoon. Like I said, it was a work holiday, so I was planning on arriving at an empty radio station, being alone, doing my shift, and driving home...Well, the lord had different plans..As I was driving to milwaukee, I called Cari, as well as a couple of co-workers who have really become close friends of mine.. So, I pull into the corporate plaza our station was located, parked my car, walked in, took the elevator, walked down the hallway, walked into the station, through the reception area, and into the side of the station where the sales staff was located..Well, it turns out that half of the staff was there. For some reason, several of the sales/management staff decided to come in that day anyway. i will always remember who I saw that day, and what happened.. I remember walking in, having Steve Kolb walk up to me and be like "Hemmer, what's wrong???"  I walked into Lil's office, sat down and said "Angela has Cancer"...You know, there are times in your life when you are made aware of those "certain people" in your life...people that truly show you who they are, and/or what they mean to you. This was one of those moments..I remember Steve Kolb, Lil Rohanna, Sherry Brisch, Bob Emery, and Peter Horn being there with me.. The next day, I remember our morning show team being there. I remember I was in the hallway that contained our on air and production studios...  I remember telling Margo what was going on, and just then my Boss (who was also the morning host) Danny Clayton from down the end of the hall say one word.... "Jon......"   I turn around, and there he was, tears in his eyes, arms open and walking towards me. There is a song that says "they will know we are christians by our love"...In my opinion, this was exactly what that song is talking about. Sometimes, showing Christ's love is not about how much money you give, or how many times you attend church, or what you say...Sometimes, it's just about being there...Now, we'll talk more about what has happened over the past 4 years at a later time...I'll tell you how the lord used this in so many ways; in my life, and in so many other's people's lives as well.However, this is the point I wanted to make to you in this post...how many times in our lives do we really try to see things differently? How many times instead of saying the glass is half full, we say it's half empty? Now, if you have experienced loss, or if you are going through something right now, I am not trying to make light of your pain...Pain is very real, isn't it? However, there is a saying that pain and grief can be like quicksand....You will start to sink if you're not moving forward....Anyway, I went to Angela's grave this afternoon. You know, I really loved her. Have you ever heard that saying that goes "I thought I was better, and then something happened that sent me right back to where I started to grieve"..Here is one thing that I have learned...Sure, in this life, you will encounter things that make you sad..However, that doesn't mean just because you feel that way that it has to bring you back to that original place of grief...It's all how you look at things....Sure....I wish Angela wouldn't have gotten sick..But she did....That's the way it is...Bad things happen to people every day....What are you going to do with it? If we go through our lives in reverse, and we go through our lives in anger or regret, we're not going to get anywhere...I have come to a place now where yes, are moments every day where I think of Angela..But in my grief, I've come to a new place. What place is that? I don't know...I guess it changes every day. The only roadmap that we have to get us through the tough times is the Bible...I guess I have put that saying into motion about the quicksand..It's not easy, but the lord never gives us too much than we can handle.. So today after I went to the cemetary, I came home and walked our dog Daisy...She likes the snow...She likes to go "exploring"  where there aren't any tracks, so she led the way...Yeah...That is always a good idea... ha!  Anyway, we're walking through all of this snow that was pretty deep. She was loving it...You know, jumping around, acting like she actually knows how to track another animal's scent, stuff like that...So, as we were trekking through, I realized something...yes, I miss Angela, but 2 years ago right now, my heart was so weak that I could barely walk down the street let alone plowing through all of this snow on the golf course. What a blessing that is...Yes..Life can be difficult...However, it's like that saying....Miracles are all around us...All we have to do is look... Thanks for reading this

No comments:

Post a Comment