Saturday, December 18, 2010

This year, it's a little different

Okay...First things first, I need to just put something out there..I am still going back and fourth regarding this whole blog thing...Here's why..I kind of thnk that if I write a blog, I am going to seem self absorbed...I know...You're probably saying to yourself "then, why are you writing it??" Well, that's the thing. I don't want to sound self absorbed, or that I think my life is just so special that I just have to share it with everyone. I guess the reason why I am continuing on with this thing is it's a great way of practicing if I would ever decide to write any kind of book...So, there it goes again...The thought that you are going to think I just think sooo highly of myself, and my life is so great, that I just have to write about it. no...That's not it at all.. To be completely honest, I am very humbled by the fact that I get to do what I do every day.. The fact that everything that I have is truly a gift from God, and I don't deserve any of it....However, I have had a very interesting life over the past several years, and I feel that maybe by writing about it, it might help someone else...However, people would actually have to read this thing in order for that to work...ha!! Actually, I am wiring a lot of this stuff in honor of my sister...Does that make any sense?? You see, when Ang got sick, and things started to go downhill, I had this ongoing feeling that I wanted to write in honor of her. To maybe talk about our lives, and tell people from my perspective how sometimes you have to go through many trials in order for you to look back and see how God has worked in your life.. There are so many things that I don't know..There are so many things that I just have to go by faith...However, If there is one thing that I've learned over the past few years is no matter what happens to you in this life, nothing ever surprises god, and he knows exactly what's going on..It's all under his control...In this life, you reaslly have to be thankful of what you have, instead of thinking about what you don't have.. It's about perspective... It's really interesting how God orchestrates all of these little things, and these huge things in your life to bring you to where you are now. This Christmas, it's a little different for me..Here's what I'm saying..For the past several years, around October, I would always think about how this coming christmas, it's going to be a great holiday..I can't wait to take some time off, spend time with friends and family, etc...Then, when christmas would finally arrive, it was like...Okay...Now What?? It just didn't feel the way I thought it would feel..It wasn't the way I'd wanted it to be. Over the past few years, there was always a problem..Always an issue that was changing the experience of christmas.Guess what?  I was focusing on the wrong things.. You know...Stuff like there's not enough doesn't feel like christmas..what about this? what about that? blah blah blah.. It's like I want to go back in time and say to myself "Just shut up!!!!" Look around you!!! Pay attention!! Paying attention....In alot of ways in my life, I've paid attention, but I really haven't paid we go with a couple more annoying quotes...ha! There is a line from a movie that goes "I know that you hear what I'm saying, but do you truly hear what I'm saying??"  Well, this year, I made this realization...Maybe the "problem" was me? Maybe I was focusing on what is "wrong", that I didn't focus enough on what is "right"? In some ways, that is it..I was looking at it wrong..Instead of being the problem, maybe I should become a part of the solution? Sure, things aren't perfect...Trust me...Nothing on this earth can be "perfect". However, this year, I see things differently..I have a Career that I absolutely love. I have a relationship with Ryan, Lauren and Luke that could only be the way it is because certain events unfolded in a certain way over the past 2 years..Sure, those events were painful...It seems unfair..However, I would not trade my relationships with them for anything...Steve (my brother in law) and I have gotten much closer over the past couple of years. Even though it's still hard for her, my Mom is in a much better place in her life with where she lives, her relationship with her family, and that includes me.
I've become so much closer to Cari's side of the family as well. Hannah and Alex are just awesome (Hannah is NOT going to date until she's 30) and I have really come to appreciate my relationships with Jenny and Brian.. They add so much to my life. Cari and I have gotten closer as well..Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you find yourself saying to God "God, show me a sign.....Just show me a sign....I need a miracle...."   Well, I have come to learn that sometimes in those situations, God wants us to be a part of the miracle, or he wants us to be a part of the "sign" that we're looking for. I remember back when I was saying that to God about a certain situation (this was several years ago).. I was praying for a miracle..Praying that God does something...Well, it hit me all of a sudden that instead of looking around at what's wrong and what needs to be fixed, I should look up, and find ways in which I can be a part of the solution...That I could be a part of the "Miracle" that I was praying for. When you think about others first, and you think about how God would want you to act in certain situations, it can really change things. Okay....I've bored you long enough...I've gotta go... Cari's going to be home from work in like 45 minutes, and I told her that I would take care of the laundry before she gets home....I say that to you as I'm typing this, drinking Coffee, hanging out with my dog, and watching the christmas episode of Bevery Hills 90210 from like 1994...Yeah...I'm being really productive.... Thanks for reading this...  :)

No comments:

Post a Comment